The Call from the Prophet

On Friday February 10th, 2006 after picking up Idaho Supreme's mail at the Firth post office I stopped by the local gas station (Hard Times) to buy a couple of bottles of water. I was standing in line to pay when my cell phone rang. The caller identified herself as Elaine President Gordon B. Hinckley private secretary. She said the Prophet had a couple of questions for me...(my whole 13 months as Bishop of the Idaho Falls 9th Ward flashed before my eyes). I immediately asked, "am I in trouble?" She answered, "not yet." I explained to her where I was and asked if I could call them back in 5 minutes when I got back to my office. She said that would be fine and started giving me the Prophet's personal phone number. I stopped her and told her I didn't have a pen or piece of paper and if she could wait just a second I would find something to write with and something to write on.  I frantically looked around and saw nothing on the counter by the cash register but then I saw some paper at the other end of the counter with a pencil laying by it so I grabbed them and wrote down the Prophet's phone number. I told Elaine I would call as soon as I got back to my office. When I got to my desk I pulled the paper from my pocket and immediately realized I had written the Prophet's personal phone number on the back of a lottery ticket. When I got Elaine on the phone, I told her what I had written the phone number on and asked, "am I in trouble?" She said she didn't think so, but then paused and asked, "is it a winner?"  When I answered, "no" she said I was probably in trouble now. The reason for the call was a beautiful sister from my ward Ann Staker had passed away and she was the mother of President Hinckley's personal physician. And since I was conducting the funeral he wanted to ask me a few questions about Sister Staker so he could write a letter he would like me to read at the funeral. Later that afternoon the letter was faxed to me and I began to have a lot of anxiety about reading such a beautiful letter with the dignity it deserved. The Prophet or Elaine probably never thought much about it, but it was the greatest phone call I ever got...and of course I handled it in the normal Homely Haws fashion...

The Day My Teeth Fell Out In Georgia!

August 6th, 1994...Mike Sommer got us tickets to a Wednesday practice round for the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta Georgia. We had a great time walking around gasping at the beauty of the place. Practice rounds can be both boring (because some golfers take it very seriously) and great fun (watching Phil Mickelson and John Daly try to skip balls off the lake on to the par 3 16th hole). Late in that morning we stumbled upon Davis Love III, Brad Faxon, and Greg "the Shark" Norman on the par 3...4th hole. By some luck I found myself right behind them with only the rope and 6 feet of grass between me and the golfers. When Mike saw what a great position I was in he handed me his camera and asked me to take pictures as they hit. I had just bought myself a large cup of liquid refreshment (Coke) and had no place to set it since the area was extremely crowded. So I just took a big bite on the top lip of the cup and proceeded to try and take the pictures. So as Greg Norman is about ready to hit disaster struck. My plan for taking the picture with a large cup of coke in my mouth would have been perfect it if I didn't had false teeth. So just as I'm about to take the picture... out of my mouth came my teeth still attached to the cup of coke. The teeth and coke fell and landed on the fanny pack I was wearing around my waste, the coke spilled and splashed over everything and everybody. The crowd and the golfers saw everything and tried not to laugh, but seeing a fat guy with coke and teeth and teeth attached on a fanny pack they couldn't help but break out laughing. Even Greg Norman thought it was hilarious and had to step away from hitting his tee shot until he got control of himself. When he had finished laughing at me he looked at the hole and the club he was going to hit and changed clubs and then hit it right next to the hole. He then thanked me for the entertainment and the club change (because he won a rather large wager the players had on this hole), but I couldn't reply because I was still trying to put my teeth back in my mouth. And since that day I call this experience, "The Day My Teeth Fell Out In Georgia."

You can't fool them...

I tried for years to convince our children..

that I was "The Boss"

But they would alway say, "Ya Dad...where's Mom?

Now we have grandchildren and again I have tried to convince them that I am
"The Boss"

They just say, "Wrong again Pa...Where's Grandma"

I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I should be able to convince little children that I am "The Boss" 

Then I found this quote and it made me feel a little better.

"You can't fool them... cause they're not paying any attention." 

It's not a race...unless I win!

Bentley has always been very competitive. When he was 3 years old we would race and he always beat me. But one time I made a big mistake and won the race. He just looked at me jumping around celebrating my victory and he said, "Pa, it's not a race...unless I win!"  Lesson learned.

Joyce kissed me

Say I'm weary

Say I'm sad

Say that health and wealth

Have missed me.

Say I'm growing old

But add

Joyce kissed me!

Happy Birthday Sweets!



What was Joyce thinking?

The story has been told many times of how 5 days after we were married Joyce's mother "Lorna" came for a visit and stayed for 27 years. As in any family situation there were ups and downs, but it really was a blessing to have her with us. She loved sitting in the kitchen on the church bench where she could look out the big kitchen window to make sure the neighborhood was safe and still have a clear view of what was happening in the house. She had three favorite sayings she would always say to me. As I would walk through the kitchen she would say, "Homely! take out the garbage! Then I would say, "I can't right now... it is snowing." Then she would hit me with, "you are neither sugar or salt, you won't melt." Then when my kids would do something that would drive me crazy she would say, "what comes around goes around." And sometimes after we had had a conversation I could hear her mutter as she walked away, "What was Joyce thinking?"

Saving Spencer?

In February of 1997 I took Spencer with me on a business trip to Florida and Georgia. We were able to watch a spring training baseball game in Lakeland Florida and a Magic basketball game in Orlando.

Then we headed to southern Georgia where I had an appointment with the buyer for "J.H. Harvey" food stores on thursday morning. We got into town early in the afternoon the day before the appointment so I took Spencer over to the local golf course. He didn't play, but he enjoyed riding in the golf cart. But he soon got bored with that and started pleading to get out of the cart and explore the hills and lakes. I told him that wasn't a good idea because there were all kinds of hazards, the least of which where poisonous coral and water moccasin snakes as well as alligators. But as I pulled up to the 6th tee which was between two large hills I finally couldn't take it any longer and said he could get out of the cart if he stayed close and most important don't run. As I started to walk to the tee he jumped out of the cart and immediatley started running over the hill toward what I didn't know. Then I heard a big splash and figured he had fallen into some lake on the other side of the hill and was being eaten alive by some swamp animal. So I took off running and when I got to the top of the hill I was relieved to see Spencer dry, but something was wrong...he stood frozen with his arms outstretched, his face pale and his eyes as big as I've ever seen them. Then I looked in the direction he was staring and I saw what was causing his terror...swimming away was a very large alligator. Spencer had come over the hill running and surprised the gator causing him to dive in the lake. Luckily he was surprised and not hungry.

Now in between the alligator story and the next the next story I saved him several times but I was mainly saving him from his Mother. When we were at basketball games and she saw girls getting too familiar with him she would take off to the other side of the building to get those girls away from her son.  Luckily he always was a safe distance from us so I could signal...so he could hide before his Mother got there to pull the girls hair out.

When we got Spencer's itinerary for his flight home from his mission in Italy I noticed the connection for his flight into Salt Lake City and out to Idaho Falls was too close and I was sure he would miss it. And if he missed it... I would be the first casulty of his Mother's frustration if she had to wait one extra day to see her son. So I arranged a business trip so I would have the same connecting flight from Salt Lake City to Idaho Falls. It turned out a good thing that I did, because as I feared his flight into Salt Lake City was a few minutes late and they were boarding the Idaho Falls flight and weren't going to wait. I pleaded with them and pointed out they were scheduled to be at the gate in 10 minutes and if they left without him and I arrived in Idaho Falls alone my wife would be a widow. But they didn't care and told me to board the plane because they were ready to depart. I told them I wasn't getting on the plane without my son. Now the ball was in their court because if they left me behind they would first have to get my luggage off the plane because if I didn't go the law said my luggage couldn't go either for safety reasons. So rather that unpack all the luggage trying to find mine they decided waiting for him would be quicker. And luckily he showed up in 5 minutes and we were on our way. And we both arrived in Idaho Falls to the open arms of the Mother.

In the spring of 2010 I woke up on a Saturday morning at 2:30 a.m. with a feeling that one of my sons was in danger. Logically it had to be Greg who was in Portugal where it was 9:30 a.m. Just then Joyce woke up and now I was sure Greg was in some kind of trouble in Portugal so I dropped to my knees and asked Heavenly Father to bless and protect Greg from what ever danger he was in. Then when I emailed him the next day I asked if he was okay and what danger was he in at 9:30 a.m. saturday morning. He wrote back that 9:30 he and his companion were having study class and they were in no danger. I was relieved but concerned because I felt sure that he was in danger. Later that day Spencer called and I told him about the feeling I had and the prayer to Heavenly Father to protect Greg. Spencer then asked what time I got this feeling and I told him 2:30 mountain time. He then said, "that would be 4:30 a.m.Buffalo time right?" I said "yes,"and then he said at 4:30 a.m. that morning their dog Brady woke he and Brianna up to find their bedroom filling with smoke from a fire in their apartment complex, he was the son in peril." Then he added, "RIGHT PRAYER DAD, JUST WRONG SON!"

It's a good thing someone knew who was in trouble.