Mom loved me best?

My Mother was unique and fiesty, but she was a great Mother.  She wasn't much on hugs and stuff but we always knew she loved us and that I was her favorite of her five children?  Maybe I felt that way because one of the last times I was with her she communicated to me how she felt about me. One evening I got a call that they had rushed her to the hospital and that I had better get there as fast as I could. When I arrived at the emergency room the doctor took me out into the hall and told me that Mom was bleeding internally and they were going to do a rectal exam to see where the blood was coming from. I asked if that uncomfortable procedure was necessary. At this point my Mother  weighed less that 60 pounds and didn't speak or even give any indication she knew what was going on. She just laid on the gurney staring up at the ceiling with her arms crossed on her chest and covered by a hospital sheet. But the doctor said it was important to find out if she was in any pain.  So I decided to tell her what was going to happen in case by some chance she could hear me.  I went back into her room and stood beside her and across from the nurse and said, "Mom...I have arranged for an early birthday present for you"...there was no response so I went on..."I have arranged for you to have a rectal exam. Happy Birthday"....... There were no signs that she understood what I said, but then there was a little movement under the sheet and the nurse surprised by any movement pulled back the sheet and  observed my sweet Mother with arms still laying on her chest  flipping me the BIRD with both hands. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to summon the strength to let me know that I was #1.  I love you Mom!

The Call from the Prophet

On Friday February 10th, 2006 after picking up Idaho Supreme's mail at the Firth post office I stopped by the local gas station (Hard Times) to buy a couple of bottles of water. I was standing in line to pay when my cell phone rang. The caller identified herself as Elaine President Gordon B. Hinckley private secretary. She said the Prophet had a couple of questions for me...(my whole 13 months as Bishop of the Idaho Falls 9th Ward flashed before my eyes). I immediately asked, "am I in trouble?" She answered, "not yet." I explained to her where I was and asked if I could call them back in 5 minutes when I got back to my office. She said that would be fine and started giving me the Prophet's personal phone number. I stopped her and told her I didn't have a pen or piece of paper and if she could wait just a second I would find something to write with and something to write on.  I frantically looked around and saw nothing on the counter by the cash register but then I saw some paper at the other end of the counter with a pencil laying by it so I grabbed them and wrote down the Prophet's phone number. I told Elaine I would call as soon as I got back to my office. When I got to my desk I pulled the paper from my pocket and immediately realized I had written the Prophet's personal phone number on the back of a lottery ticket. When I got Elaine on the phone, I told her what I had written the phone number on and asked, "am I in trouble?" She said she didn't think so, but then paused and asked, "is it a winner?"  When I answered, "no" she said I was probably in trouble now. The reason for the call was a beautiful sister from my ward Ann Staker had passed away and she was the mother of President Hinckley's personal physician. And since I was conducting the funeral he wanted to ask me a few questions about Sister Staker so he could write a letter he would like me to read at the funeral. Later that afternoon the letter was faxed to me and I began to have a lot of anxiety about reading such a beautiful letter with the dignity it deserved. The Prophet or Elaine probably never thought much about it, but it was the greatest phone call I ever got...and of course I handled it in the normal Homely Haws fashion...

The Day My Teeth Fell Out In Georgia!

August 6th, 1994...Mike Sommer got us tickets to a Wednesday practice round for the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta Georgia. We had a great time walking around gasping at the beauty of the place. Practice rounds can be both boring (because some golfers take it very seriously) and great fun (watching Phil Mickelson and John Daly try to skip balls off the lake on to the par 3 16th hole). Late in that morning we stumbled upon Davis Love III, Brad Faxon, and Greg "the Shark" Norman on the par 3...4th hole. By some luck I found myself right behind them with only the rope and 6 feet of grass between me and the golfers. When Mike saw what a great position I was in he handed me his camera and asked me to take pictures as they hit. I had just bought myself a large cup of liquid refreshment (Coke) and had no place to set it since the area was extremely crowded. So I just took a big bite on the top lip of the cup and proceeded to try and take the pictures. So as Greg Norman is about ready to hit disaster struck. My plan for taking the picture with a large cup of coke in my mouth would have been perfect it if I didn't had false teeth. So just as I'm about to take the picture... out of my mouth came my teeth still attached to the cup of coke. The teeth and coke fell and landed on the fanny pack I was wearing around my waste, the coke spilled and splashed over everything and everybody. The crowd and the golfers saw everything and tried not to laugh, but seeing a fat guy with coke and teeth and teeth attached on a fanny pack they couldn't help but break out laughing. Even Greg Norman thought it was hilarious and had to step away from hitting his tee shot until he got control of himself. When he had finished laughing at me he looked at the hole and the club he was going to hit and changed clubs and then hit it right next to the hole. He then thanked me for the entertainment and the club change (because he won a rather large wager the players had on this hole), but I couldn't reply because I was still trying to put my teeth back in my mouth. And since that day I call this experience, "The Day My Teeth Fell Out In Georgia."

You can't fool them...

I tried for years to convince our children..

that I was "The Boss"

But they would alway say, "Ya Dad...where's Mom?

Now we have grandchildren and again I have tried to convince them that I am
"The Boss"

They just say, "Wrong again Pa...Where's Grandma"

I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I should be able to convince little children that I am "The Boss" 

Then I found this quote and it made me feel a little better.

"You can't fool them... cause they're not paying any attention." 

It's not a race...unless I win!

Bentley has always been very competitive. When he was 3 years old we would race and he always beat me. But one time I made a big mistake and won the race. He just looked at me jumping around celebrating my victory and he said, "Pa, it's not a race...unless I win!"  Lesson learned.

Joyce kissed me

Say I'm weary

Say I'm sad

Say that health and wealth

Have missed me.

Say I'm growing old

But add

Joyce kissed me!

Happy Birthday Sweets!



What was Joyce thinking?

The story has been told many times of how 5 days after we were married Joyce's mother "Lorna" came for a visit and stayed for 27 years. As in any family situation there were ups and downs, but it really was a blessing to have her with us. She loved sitting in the kitchen on the church bench where she could look out the big kitchen window to make sure the neighborhood was safe and still have a clear view of what was happening in the house. She had three favorite sayings she would always say to me. As I would walk through the kitchen she would say, "Homely! take out the garbage! Then I would say, "I can't right now... it is snowing." Then she would hit me with, "you are neither sugar or salt, you won't melt." Then when my kids would do something that would drive me crazy she would say, "what comes around goes around." And sometimes after we had had a conversation I could hear her mutter as she walked away, "What was Joyce thinking?"